Link to Essay:
http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AYmPSTeNFU08ZGRjYm56dzRfNDJkNXNneHZteg&hl=en
Reflection of Essay:
I know my essay is weak in terms of information to support my ideas. I wrote this draft based on information I remembered reading and thus did not include any intricite details. Although, to be honest I'm not sure what sort of details will be helpful so suggesitons might be nice if anyone has them. I think the ideas are there, they may not transition as well as I would like at the moment, but the framework is in place.
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Seems like your research is coming along. You have many good points in your draft, and the ideas all stay connected, and are connected in related ways. I like how it's coming along!
ReplyDelete1st reading:
ReplyDeleteYour topic is well stated and I see how this current draft flows. There are a number of grammatical problems that distracted me. I think it currently reads more like a summary or a proposal rather than a researched essay.
Hi Jason!
ReplyDeleteI think overall I got a great first impression of what subject you are writing about in terms of fan fiction and role-playing. I don not believe it is completely clear what exactly your research topic is on that deals with these two things. I know you discuss e-fed, but I am curious to know what this has to do with the overall subject of your paper and some of the theories that were presented in class.
I think you do a great job of describing each thing like e-fed and fan fiction especially for someone like me who never heard of it until this semester. I think that finding the information to support your ideas would be a great place to start in your revision. Also, I noticed some grammatical errors that I'm sure are overlooked now because it is a rough draft.
I do feel that some areas in the body of the essay are loaded with detail which can be a good thing, but can also cause confusion. Take the time to make sure you are not repeating yourself and stating the same thing more than once and to see if everything is completely on subject. I got lost in the middle and that's why I am saying this. However, it could be the fact I have bad ADD today and can't seem to concentrate on one thing at once, lol. Anyways, after rereading your draft I was able to really see what you are trying to say and I think it is a great start to a great essay! Good Job!
2nd reading:
ReplyDeleteThe main idea is that fan fiction and role-playing encourage creativity and skill development. I think a related idea is that making something accessible to fan interactions like fan fiction and role play enhances individual experiences with the genre - and therefore more relaxed copyright rules should be used (perhaps that is reading too far into it though).
You state that your idea is the case but you don't provide any outside proof. I think towards the end of the 2nd paragraph you could include some information about how fan fiction and role playing can make a person aware and good at all those literary activities that you allude to. Perhaps some statistic or reference a website that provides technical writing help for fan fiction or the rules of specific fan sites regarding quality of submissions.
You definitely touch on the idea that these media forms have a value that is equal in quality if not the same as the value for printed literature or live wrestling. You could draw on our discussions of social media and gaming to show why people are so interested in these types of forums and to indicate that they have been present for a while.
So far the parts of your essay are well connected and logical. I think some time reviewing your word choice and sentence structure could make it more interesting, but it is logical so far. I think when you start adding references you will find more places to make logical connections as well as arguments.
The draft has some grammar problems as well as at least one than/then mistakes. The third paragraph is a bit oddly constructed in that if I hadn't spoken to you earlier I probably wouldn't understand the things you were talking about that go on in a e-fed and a live wrestling event. Perhaps it could be simplified, or expanded to communicate what a wrestling match is like for people who don't know. The 5th paragraph seems extraneous at this point. It connects logically but doesn't seem to have a purpose.
I think you need to focus on bringing in more outside sources to support your claims and references to examples of real e-feds. I think these things will help make your point more interesting and give you a better basis to make your point. I might be misunderstanding the point of the assignment, but your essay feels mostly informative. You haven't really presented me with anything to think about or respond to in terms of theory. Personally I think that those things are important to making a good essay and would help your essay here have more impact.